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Slowing everything down
I just got back last week from an amazing weekend away on Sechelt visiting dear friends and coupled with a great girl’s night (there is no such thing as laughing too much even if one’s cheeks and tummy hurt for two days after). I love it when I go to the beautiful Sunshine Coast as I find it amazingly relaxing to escape the busyness of the big city and find myself not only in the company of good friends but in a state of tranquility of slowing everything inside of me down. I had a bit of a rude awaking the week before when I finally decided to call up my RMT and make an appointment with her. She is so therapeutic and talented at what she does that I feel like a huge weight is lifted off of me after seeing her. But, once again she told me that the rhomboid muscles that are tiny muscles in the neck holding up my head are being over stretched and that my pectoral muscles are winning the battle of beating out deltoids that are smaller muscles in my back because of leaning forward too much while counselling. Although this is good in that I am giving my clients 110% of me in session but my posture is not right (as a short person at five foot nothing it has always baffled me that I do slouch). I started in with myself as to how can I claim to be so aware of my body and yet so totally unaware. Then it hit me like the ton of bricks I have been carrying around on my shoulders that I have slipped more into what it is that I am doing as opposed to just being. This is where my weekend trip to Sechelt helped in that I even caught myself ruminating on the ferry about all the things I should be getting done when I get home and then I stopped and really focused on my poor little (and big) muscles that are doing so much work in order to keep me doing things when I lost sight of the importance of just being. Taking time to just be and putting off what can in fact be done tomorrow instead of grinding myself to constantly be doing. On the ferry ride back I took the time to look around, be in the moment, to enjoy the breath-taking scenery of the beautiful West Coast and agreed and committed to spending the rest of the day not doing a hell of a lot but just spending lots and lots of time just being with myself and being in the moment in order to rejuvenate my whole body.
How is your body boundary radar?
Hopefully you have not had the experience of being pulled over and asked by the police how fast you think you were going only for them to tell you exactly how much over the speed limit you were. We all know the obvious reasons and the necessity for this… To keep us and others safe! The new trend to around town even provides you with a lit up sign called radarsigns telling you how fast you are going just in case you happened to be daydreaming about the wonderful dinner party you had last night or what you are going to say this time to your teenage son to motivate him to keep his room clean – instead of paying attention to your speed. So, just as radar, speed limits, and radarsigns act to keep us in check with our driving boundaries and keep us and others safe, so does our body act as radar for our boundaries with others to keep us safe and help us to maintain healthy connections with others. Here is how it works:
Step 1 – Firstly, we need to be willing and listen to our own personal radar in our body. The body is wise in gauging how comfortable we are or uncomfortable.
Step 2 – Have you ever found yourself doing something for someone when you did not really want to? We all have. But doing things we do not want to do or are not willing to do is not paying attention to your body radar and we in a sense betray ourselves and the relationship with the other person by doing so.
Step 3 – Be honest with others with regards to what you are and are not willing to do. Not only will your body radar thank you but you are then deepening your relationship with the other person. Being transparent, authentic, and consistent is reassuring for ourselves and for others as they know what to expect and you feel safe. They then feel safe with you too.
The fear may be setting in at this point as you think I could never do that and upset someone. Take another look at Step 3. You are right in that people may be upset or angry but we are not responsible for other’s feelings and behaviours and if they truly do value the relationship they will come around and understand the importance of all three steps for a healthy nurturing connection. If they don’t…. Well, it then becomes your choice to abandon your body radar and continue to do things you do not want to do and your choice to sit in the resentment of it all. Or you can adhere to the three steps and keep you and those you care about safe all the while enjoying the amazing ride of the beauty and depthness in your relationships.
Snow Tranquility
I love snow. For me it signifies a sense of calmness, clarity, comfort. I know that some of you may be wondering what is wrong with me and I completely understand as when Vancouver does get the odd snowfall during the winter it can (and has) at times almost shut the city down, and I do hope that if you experienced the past week of snowfall here that you were safe and faired well in the fluffy wet white stuff. Growing up partially in Alberta I am used to it and I also lucked out in that it happened to be winter when I received my driver’s license and so I learned how to drive right out of the gate at sixteen in the mist of a blizzard on Vancouver Island. Driving was my passage to freedom (as it must be for any teenager getting his or her license) and the snow was not going to stop me or prevent this freedom. Last Monday morning when the snow heavily began to fall I stopped what I was worked on, bundled myself up in warm clothes, made a cup of tea and went outside and sat on my porch to take in how breath-taking it was. As I sipped my tea I could not get over how snow falling creates a mesmerizing welcomed soft void of silence. For many moments I could literally not hear anything and I took this in with such vigor that I tangibly could feel the calmness and the sense of my whole being slowing down and feeling safe and comforted. Just me, by myself, enjoying the moments as the snow continued to fall. Peacefulness and fulfillment moved over me. Here I was taking time to just be and to be with myself and allowing myself to take this time in the midst of falling snow. It was truly wonderful… Thank you snow.
The art of love
I truly enjoy having my kittens often act as my muses, and within my deep love for them at times they do inspire me in writing my blog. Oh Piper… Some of you might remember the vacuum fiasco back in the summer where he came high-tailing it around the corner only to encounter head on me and the vacuum and in pure instinct mode picked up the pace and used my foot as traction (I now have a scar on my left foot from my little guy). Well… I decided to buy my kittens a new and quieter vacuum as the aforementioned incident I felt quite bad vacuuming but it is both necessary for a clean house and to maintain the ghost like clumps of long hair that are constantly being extracted from Piper and Prue. As it turned out the quiet vacuum became solely my gift and Pipey still lost it and climbed the curtain right to the top and held himself there in desperation. I put the vacuum away and coaxed my little man down. Once he had shimmied himself half way down the curtain I was able to catch him and slowing placed him on the ground. His poor little heart was just racing a hundred miles an hour so I put my body over his and hugged him and felt sad that at last we had not solved the vacuum dilemma with a quieter machine. Sitting with Piper until we managed to get his little system back to a state of equilibrium, it took my thoughts to doing this for ourselves. Paying attention to our own little systems and slowing the body down when activated for whatever reason. Similar to my soothing with Pipey, when we are noticing and paying attention to what our bodies are doing we can give the body what it needs. Running away, ignoring, or getting angry with ourselves only exacerbates what is happening in the body. Listening, noticing, and being with the body and holding ourselves is what the body wants. The body will thank you and release and calm down just as we did with Piper.
